Eight years ago I had a baby and an adoption in one moments time. I told myself then and remind myself now that I made this decision because I had to make the choice between being a very good friend or being a very mediocre parent. I choose to be a very good friend and with that choice to have a very open non-traditional adoption. In a way, with the situation/type of adoption I choose, I get to be a bit of both. Not that I'll ever be mom to Sam, I'm more like a really fun young hip aunt or a fairy godmother than his mom. I'm not the one who wakes up in the middle of the night when he is sick or the one who has to stay up late at night helping him with homework, or the one who is there on a daily basis for hugs and kisses and all the bumps and bruises in life. Rather, I'm the one who sends packages of books and candy, calls every few weeks to be regaled with stories of hilarity and horror, and the one comes to visit every few months for a few (always to short) days. I'm also the one who now, eight years later has made the conscience decision to bring another child into the world and to raise it.
In 400-something BC Pericles said "What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” and for years I've thought of this quote often. I mean, what exactly is it that we weave into the lives of others? As a birthmom am I just responsible for what I wove into Sam genetically or what I continue to weave into his life by being a part of it? And now, as a very soon to be parent of child number two, what will I be weaving into their life?
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