This Old Dog

The last time this came up was right before we go married. Nick told me that he would not marry me unless I either learned to love to ski. For months this was him mantra and I almost thought he was kidding (it just seemed so ridiculous) but let me tell you, this 31 year old dog learned a new trick.
I'm not black diamond but I'm a solid blue. I can ski from the top of the mountain down. After 5 days in Tahoe I feel like a pro. My dreams are filled with ski moves, much like the feeling that you get after being at the water park for the day. You know how after leaving the park you still feel like you are in the wave pool? It has been like that with me and skiing- I feel shift of the snow under my boots when I close my eyes. I think after the next ski trip I'll be a pro.

My loss

Last night I would have bet a billion dollars about it and I would have lost.

All those good parents

I'm starting to think that this whole parenting thing is much harder than my friends and family have made it out to be. I thought that everything would be easier but I find myself grappling for a bit of balance. It's like I'm walking on a tightrope and I have no understanding of how to do it. I have no privacy, no knowledge of where Logan starts and I end. I have time to myself almost never- now not even the bathroom is a place of refuge. I need to figure out how to have time to myself and feel as if I have enough time for my family too, not even to mention my friends. I want so badly to be a stay at home mom these days because there simply is no time. I use to spend hours reading to drinking beer at the Replay or walking the dogs and now I'm lucky if I can find time to read my email. I'm such a pain because I want it both ways. I want to be with Logan, I want date nights with Nick and I want my own time too. I guess most of all I want to figure out how all those moms do it. How to they have their own life and be good parents too?

Make believe

Upstairs they sing a song about nothing, made up as they go along, just sounds and make believe words and I could swear that I know them all.

adoption birth and adoption again

adoption


birth


adoption again



Sam came first. He was adopted at birth to a loving family and i was lucky enough to keep him in my life a bit. A tiny bit, a few weekends a month bit, but still a bit. My son who was adopted. My son who is mine but is someone else's too.



Logan came second. He is mine for keeps and ever. My son.



The next kid, still unknown to me will be adopted. He will be the third and final son, the completion of the circle. He will start out in someone else and end up at my side. He will be my son, but he will be someone else's too.

Logan the Great

Tonight Nick and I decided that we need to get really into RC airplanes and model airplanes. As we were driving out to our friends house on Clinton Lake we passed by the RC airplane flying park and there was the big huge plane flying. It made me think of all the rockets I built growing up and how much pleasure I got out of them. I think that I actually got more pleasure out of making them with family, the actual art of building it with parents and siblings at the kitchen table, then the flying of the rockets. So I'd like to issue a challenge, the Logan Airplane/Rocket Challenge. For Logan's first birthday Nick has said that he does not want to have a big party. I, of course, would like to. The compromise is that we are going to have a party but a little one and I think that it needs to be RC Airplane / rocket flying themed. If you can make it the first weekend in May 2009 to Lawrence, Kansas bring a rocket to fly. If you cannot, fly one in your little corner of the world. Just be sure to build it with someone you love at the kitchen table.

This little maricle

It's been such a long time since I've written in this little blog of mine but then again I have had a huge learning curve. Can it be true that Logan is already 2 months old? Can it be true that he can smile independently of bodily functions and purely as a reaction to someone interacting with him? Wow.

Yes, It's true. I made a rad happy baby who smiles and laughs and enjoys everyone . Having him up at Balsam Lake for 10 days was a big challenge and an even bigger joy.

Everyone was wonderful and helpful. The best thing was having Sammy meet Logan: this was absolutely priceless. Having them enjoy each others company was even more priceless. Sam at first seemed a bit confused and befuddled by this little lump of baby. But as the week progressed Logan began to eye Sam with those twinkling blue eyes and pretty soon Sam was as infatuated as the rest of us.

To see the child that I 'gave up' for adoption (such a cold term) interact with Logan with such ease and willingness was beyond my comprehension at times. Sam's desire to connect was evident. However, the only person that could have outdone Logan in coolness in Sam's eyes was Nick. Nick will, I fear, forever be the raddest in Sam's eyes. This makes me a bit jealous but very happy at the same time.