And the first assignement is due

School started this week and I'm proud to say that while the first assignement was due last night at midnight I had it in by 10:07. Considering Logan is walking, my brother just moved in, and we spent the last three days trying to get the rental fixed up I'm doing well.

Houdini

Houdini. He was a escape artist, right? Sometimes I wish I was too.

Cults and such

Between Amberlee's Nate and Uncle Jim there is a lot of cult stuff going on. I'm not sure whose side story is more interesting: the one who lived in the cult as a child and ended up mostly almost all the way normal or the one who grew up in a relatively normal home as a child and now is in the cult like religion.

Either way, I want to know more about both of their inner-workings and about both of them but am not sure where to start. Jim is a bit tight-lipped about his church knowing that Grandma disapproves and Nate will only talk about it after a few drinks and then a few more. I just don't have the energy to get the information but still crave the info on the crazies.

The Basement, for reals ya alls

It is dry. It has been raining for 2 days and the basement is dry.

Going Back to School

I'm gonna do it. Seriously.

Things to think about

1000's of things to think about but this one comes up the most.

Why is it so hard to have a conversation with you?

Why can't I tell you little things like, please help me. Please change this.

A box of wine and CSI Miami

The power of the box of wine and CSI Miami combined is overwhelming. It's like mixing peanut butter and chocolate. Mmmmmm

This Old Dog

The last time this came up was right before we go married. Nick told me that he would not marry me unless I either learned to love to ski. For months this was him mantra and I almost thought he was kidding (it just seemed so ridiculous) but let me tell you, this 31 year old dog learned a new trick.
I'm not black diamond but I'm a solid blue. I can ski from the top of the mountain down. After 5 days in Tahoe I feel like a pro. My dreams are filled with ski moves, much like the feeling that you get after being at the water park for the day. You know how after leaving the park you still feel like you are in the wave pool? It has been like that with me and skiing- I feel shift of the snow under my boots when I close my eyes. I think after the next ski trip I'll be a pro.

My loss

Last night I would have bet a billion dollars about it and I would have lost.

All those good parents

I'm starting to think that this whole parenting thing is much harder than my friends and family have made it out to be. I thought that everything would be easier but I find myself grappling for a bit of balance. It's like I'm walking on a tightrope and I have no understanding of how to do it. I have no privacy, no knowledge of where Logan starts and I end. I have time to myself almost never- now not even the bathroom is a place of refuge. I need to figure out how to have time to myself and feel as if I have enough time for my family too, not even to mention my friends. I want so badly to be a stay at home mom these days because there simply is no time. I use to spend hours reading to drinking beer at the Replay or walking the dogs and now I'm lucky if I can find time to read my email. I'm such a pain because I want it both ways. I want to be with Logan, I want date nights with Nick and I want my own time too. I guess most of all I want to figure out how all those moms do it. How to they have their own life and be good parents too?

Make believe

Upstairs they sing a song about nothing, made up as they go along, just sounds and make believe words and I could swear that I know them all.

adoption birth and adoption again

adoption


birth


adoption again



Sam came first. He was adopted at birth to a loving family and i was lucky enough to keep him in my life a bit. A tiny bit, a few weekends a month bit, but still a bit. My son who was adopted. My son who is mine but is someone else's too.



Logan came second. He is mine for keeps and ever. My son.



The next kid, still unknown to me will be adopted. He will be the third and final son, the completion of the circle. He will start out in someone else and end up at my side. He will be my son, but he will be someone else's too.